Let’s Read Life and Death: Chapter Seven

I’m torn between recapping this as-is or just giving you the bullet points. For those of you who don’t want to see me rip my hair out, the jist of this chapter is this:

  1. Beau realizes Edythe might be a vampire
  2. The weather is uncommonly sunny for the next two days, and the Cullens aren’t at school
  3. Beau makes plans with friends to go to Port Angeles

Even though this chapter is thirteen pages long, these are literally the only significant things that happen. If you’re interested in the, uh, details, then by all means, read on.

Nightmare

Beau falls asleep listening to some crummy music. He has another inexplicably prophetic dream wherein Jules is a wolf trying to save him from Edythe, who is now a very sexy and evil-looking vampire. Beau wakes up early, gets dressed, turns on his computer, listens to the modem dial up. Dial-up! Wow. Not only a nostalgic throwback, but a great metaphor for this terrible chapter.

I ate slowly, so the last bites were too soggy to finish. I washed the bowl and spoon, then put them away. My feet dragged as I climbed the stairs. I went to pick up my CD player first, then wound up the headphones’ cord, and put them away in a desk drawer. I turned the same CD on, but turned it down till it was just background noise.

Jimminy Christmas, none of this is important. The whole chapter is like this. Beau googles “vampire” and we get some excerpts of his search results—thrilling. He walks through the woods and summarizes every thought he’s had for the last six chapters—exhilarating. He comes home and does his homework—it’s a report on Macbeth due Wednesday. Saints preserve us. “Every moment significant,” my ass.

After a short battle, I was able to get both windows in the truck completely rolled down. I was one of the first ones to school; I hadn’t even checked the clock in my hurry to get outside. I parked and headed toward the picnic benches on the south side of the cafeteria. The benches were still damp, so I sat on my jacket, glad to have a use for it. My homework was done, but there were a few Trig problems I wasn’t sure i had right. I took out my book, but halfway through rechecking the first problem my mind was wandering, watching the sunlight play on the red-barked trees. I sketched mindlessly along the margins of my homework …

Hey, um, hello? Isn’t this a supernatural romance? Do you feel like being particularly interesting at any point here? I’m sure there’s a huge core of the fandom just dying to know how well you did on your Trig assignment, but feel like getting to the mysterious hot teenage vampires yet?

Sadly (sadly) it’s too sunny for vampires, and none of the Cullen clan are at school—which means nothing interesting happens. We’re left with a listless, moping Beau, making plans with friends and then kind of not making plans and then changing plans after all. The infamous Port Angeles trip is coming up (the boys are ordering corsages instead of buying dance outfits). I don’t even have anything to obsessively overanalyze here. This is basically a throw-away chapter and I can’t believe she didn’t roll this into the next one on her second pass of this novel. Uh, sorry for the short recap, I guess I’ll see you all next time…?

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